


Happy Birthday, Dean

by LN0TGY



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Presents, Canon Divergence, Castiel Uses Actual Words (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Sappy, god this is so sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LN0TGY/pseuds/LN0TGY
Summary: It‘s Dean‘s birthday and Cas has a special gift for him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Happy Birthday, Dean

On the evening of Dean's forty-second birthday, Cas was sitting on the edge of Dean's bed, fidgeting with a small wooden box in his hands, his knees impatiently bobbing up and down. He couldn’t sit still if he wanted to and the bouncing of his legs felt weirdly calming. Cas didn’t know why he‘d been so nervous all day. He felt confident enough about Dean’s birthday gift when he first came up with it.

Dean, of course, had claimed from the beginning that he didn’t want any gifts, but Cas learned from Sam that people often say that without meaning it. He thought about what Dean could possibly enjoy, if there was anything he’d mentioned that he wanted or needed. Cas remembered the mixtape he once received as a gift back when he didn’t quite understand the concept of gift-giving yet.

Dean had hand-selected thirteen of his favorite songs that he wanted to share with Cas instead of keeping them to himself. He went out, got a blank cassette tape and labeled it with his name and “traxx” although Cas didn’t understand why he spelled it that way. Cas hadn’t even asked for a music recommendation, Dean came up with the idea by himself, unprompted. Even though some of the songs sounded familiar because Cas had heard them in the Impala before, they felt different now that he knew they were Dean’s favorites.

Cas thought about how he enjoyed listening to the tape in his own car, playing and replaying it for hours because he didn’t have anything else and besides, he didn’t mind. It was personal, it was unique, and it was heartfelt, just what a gift should be. It didn’t take Cas much longer to come up with an idea then.

Except for that now he actually had to muster up the nerve to give it to Dean and see his reaction and suddenly Cas found himself wanting to back out. Maybe it was too soon, maybe he should blow it off. He had a feeling that Dean would make it a much bigger deal than it was, he didn’t want any gifts in the first place, and Cas would have to explain himself and-

Stressing out over nothing was definitely a human thing. Cas had always known that humans tend to overthink and overanalyze things for no good reason. Now he understood why.

Fighting his inner turmoil, Cas had definitely done a good job of playing his usual role all day. He ate and liked the food that Dean ordered (because he wasn’t going to cook on his own birthday), he was happy to catch up with Claire when she stopped by (just to remind Dean that he was getting old) and he let Eileen teach him how to sign "happy birthday" (even though he might not remember by the time her birthday comes around). It was a good day, despite the sick feeling to his stomach and the throbbing in the back of his head. Somehow he felt tired and wide awake at the same time. _The joys of being human_ , he thought. That one time he lost his grace for a few weeks did nothing to prepare him for any of this. Cas wished he knew if it was going to be like this all the time, but he couldn't talk to anyone about it. Not yet.

The sound of an opening door caught Cas' attention and snapped him out of his thoughts. Looking up, he was met with Dean's eyes staring back at him from the doorway, a smile across his face. “There you are,” he said and shut the door behind him. He didn’t hesitate to kick off his boots and sit next to Cas, softly nudging his shoulder with his own. “You okay?”

Cas tried to sound as convincing as possible. “I’m fine.”

Dean nodded at that, but Cas didn’t think he believed him. The room was silent for a few seconds while they were both staring at one another, Cas desperately trying to think of a smart thing to stay. When he heard Dean draw a breath and open his mouth, Cas had to act. Or speak, it would have been the easier choice, but his body decided to betray him and he found himself leaning forward and pushing his lips against Dean’s vigorously. Dean steadied himself with one hand behind his back to keep from falling onto his back. He didn’t get to put the other one on Cas’ neck to pull him in because Cas was already pulling back. Dean furrowed his eyebrows in utter confusion. “What was that for?”

“Dean,” he breathed before Dean had the chance to ask any more questions. He could taste Dean on his lips and that was a feeling he would never get used to. The fact that he could just do that, that it was allowed now, that Dean was all his and he could kiss him all he wanted, it was liberating. It was reassuring. Cas avoided Dean’s gaze and quickly looked away. He had to say something.

With his eyes fixated on the little box held tightly in his hands, Cas tried to wipe all doubts about this from his mind and collected himself, turning his body toward Dean and finally meeting his eyes again.

“I... This is-“ Cas stuttered because he realized that he even didn’t know what to say. He sighed and held the box out for Dean to take. “Happy birthday, Dean.“

Dean frowned and looked from Cas‘ face down to the box back up to his face. “You didn't have to get me anything.“

“I know, but I wanted to,“ Cas replied, thinking about he he didn't _get_ Dean anything since it was already there. The sight of the tiny smile on Dean’s face calmed his nerves a tiny bit.

Dean took the box from Cas‘ hands and put it into his lap, hesitantly, before finally flipping open the lid. Inside was a small glass vial, barely as big as his pinky finger, filled with a dimly glowing blue smoke. Attached to it was a small black feather and a thin black leather string, all delicately placed on a tiny pillow.

Cas had secretly wondered whether Dean would recognize what he was holding right away, and the way any emotion had quickly left Dean‘s face did neither to confirm or refute it. Dean stayed still as a statue, only stared at the contents of the box and possibly stopped breathing. In that moment, Cas wished he still had his inner compass to help him read Dean’s emotions, but he didn’t because Dean held it in his hands.

A full minute of silence passed before Dean spoke up. “Cas, this... is this-“

“It’s my grace,“ Cas explained quietly, knowing Dean had figured it out on his own.

“But… Why? I-I can’t take this,“ Dean said softly. He finally took the vial in his hand, slowly and carefully, laying it flat on his palm. Cas was already racking his brain for something to say when Dean’s hand was suddenly right in front of him. “It’s yours, I can’t take it.“

“Dean,“ Cas whispered and reached out to Dean’s hand, effectively wrapping Dean’s fingers around the vial.

“Why are you giving this to me?“

Cas had been dreading this question like none other even though he knew it would come. There were so many reasons and so many things he needed to get off his chest, but he didn't want to overwhelm Dean, again. He took a deep breath.

“Dean, I… I haven’t been a real angel in a long time. Not since I met you. I rebelled, I disobeyed orders, I... I had doubts, and reasonably so, as it turned out. You helped me see that heaven... It’s not where I belong. You showed me that I belong here on earth, with you. You‘re more family to me than my brothers and sisters have ever been.

My grace, you see,... It’s been fading for a while now. At first I didn’t understand why it was happening, but then I realized that it was because of you. I wasn’t supposed to-to feel things, it was you who taught me to do that, but you know that already. Loving you has made me human, Dean, quite literally, and before you say anything, that is not a bad thing.”

Cas smiled. He’d found out that whenever he smiled, Dean did, too, even if it was forced.

“It was just a matter of time, anyway. A few years, maybe a decade, and it would have been depleted by itself, and that’s alright because I... sometimes I feel like I don’t even want it anymore, because it’s not who I am anymore. I don’t need it. And it’s not much good anyway, since... what you’re holding is all that’s left. I thought there would be more, but... that’s all of it. I guess I should have known.“

He noticed the way Dean looked down to Cas' neck, the very spot where his grace used to be stored. The removal wasn't any less painful than he had anticipated, but he knew it was the right choice and the outcome would be worth it. He felt his stomach drop a little when Dean’s watery eyes found his again and it reminded him so much of that fateful night down in the dungeon. He knew Dean was thinking the same thing. Cas gently grabbed his hand and held it tightly to assure him that he wasn’t leaving, not this time.

“We’ve been through so much together, you and I, and even though we haven’t been together like _this_ for a very long time yet, I just feel that...

You know, I once explained to Jack that it was part of our celestial existence to watch humans come and go. I told him that they only live for a very brief time and that we’d have to carry on without them at some point. But... It doesn’t have to be this way. I don’t want to do this without you one day. I-I can’t even imagine it. Not if I don’t have to.”

It was just then that Cas could actually notice the way Dean was squeezing his hand, clinging to him in a vulnerable way Cas rarely sees in Dean.

“I know that without my grace I‘m no longer this-this powerful tool to heal you or save you, but... I hope you can forgive me for that. I hope I-I'm still enough for you like this. I just needed to do this, for you and for myself, too. And I need you to know that I’m not going to leave, that I‘m not going anywhere and that-that I‘ll be yours for as long as I live... or as long as you'll have me.”

When Cas thought that he’d pretty much said everything he had on his mind, he remembered that he never really answered Dean’s question.

“I want you to have it because I trust you to take care of it, Dean. I know that it’s safe with you.“

Dean’s mouth fell open and it was evident that he was at a loss for words. Cas could see his eyes drop down to the vial in his hand, shutting them slowly before he found his voice. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Cas assured him because Dean had never been a man of big words. He probably needed time to process everything that Cas had just dumped on him, _again_ , just because he wanted to get it off his chest, because he wanted Dean to know. For a brief moment, he wished he hadn’t said anything, he should’ve just kept it to himself, his grace would’ve run out by itself anyway, he-

Cas realized that he was spiraling. _Another human flaw._ Dean’s soft voice brought him back to reality. “You’re-You’re fully human now? No wings, no mojo? You're just like me?” Cas nodded. Dean subconsciously mirrored him. The way he stared at their hands let Cas believe he was replaying everything in his head. “Cas, you… you know that you’re more than just your powers, right?” he said and pointed at the glowing vial, his voice quivering. “I-I can’t believe… angel or not, you’re family. You’re enough. You’ve always been enough.”

Cas swallowed the lump in his throat. It wasn't what he'd expected Dean to say but frankly, he hadn't expected him to say anything. He didn't know how to react, just watched Dean fumble with the leather string in his hands. He clumsily pinched both ends in between his fingers and tied them into a knot in the back of his neck, the glowing vial hanging on his chest like the pendant of a necklace. Cas had considered that the string could be used that way but he wasn't sure Dean would do it. It was impractical for several reasons and he wasn't sure if Dean would even want to display it that publicly. Just when he was about to say something, a quiet mumble of his name caught his attention.

Dean shook his head with a small smile on his lips before engulfing Cas in a tight hug, both arms wrapped around his shoulders while Cas’ arms slowly found Dean’s waist. Dean was warm and his tight grip was silently telling Cas all the things he knew Dean couldn’t say out loud. He knew Dean wasn‘t letting him go, not now, not ever.

Cas had never felt more at home than he did in this moment. “I love you,” Dean whispered into the crook of Cas’ neck. “So much.”

**Author's Note:**

> this story was heavily inspired by [this tumblr post](https://evermorecastiel.tumblr.com/post/639892456359526400) :)


End file.
